Bereavement

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Bereavement and grief are natural responses to the loss of a person important to you. While the two terms are often used interchangeably, they have distinct meanings.

Bereavement refers to the state of having experienced the loss of a loved one. It most often refers to the time after a loss when emotions are at their most profound. While bereavement is usually associated with death it can also occur after other significant losses such as the end of an important relationship or a major change in a person’s health. Bereavement after a loss is often intense and can impact your ability to function normally, during this time it is normal to experience symptoms of grief like shock, guilt, sadness, anger and depression.

Grief is the emotional suffering and reaction that follows loss. It includes a wide range of feelings such as sadness, guilt, loneliness, confusion and even relief. Grief can vary in intensity and duration from person to person. The grieving process can be complex, and everyone experiences it differently. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross describes the stages or experiences of grief:

• Denial – refusing to accept the reality of the loss
• Anger – feeling resentment or frustration about the situation
• Bargaining – trying to make deals or find ways to reverse or delay the loss
• Depression – feeling overwhelming sadness and despair
• Acceptance – coming to terms with the loss and finding a way to move forward.

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is a type of bereavement that may occur when a person important to you is dying. While the person is not gone yet, loved ones may experience feelings of grief including sadness and anger as they prepare for the loss of their loved one.

Complicated Grief

Bereavement is painful and can be exhausting, while it isn’t something that people get over, the intensity of these feelings of grief usually lessens gradually over time. Some people can experience a more consistent for of bereavement that is known as complicated grief.  This form of bereavement is characterised by feelings of intense feelings of sadness and pain that persists for a longer period of time.

Looking After Yourself

Because grief and loss are normal life experiences, most people find their way through the pain with support from friends and relatives. Some people may find it helpful to attend a bereavement support group, or one-to-one support in their locality. This may be helpful if you would like to talk to people outside of family and friends, or if you feel you would like extra information.

 Here are a few suggestions for supporting yourself during this time.

• Look after your physical health. Try to rest, eat nutritious meals and take a little exercise each day, even if you don’t feel like it. 
• Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You are adjusting to a loss and this takes time and energy. 
• Accept genuine offers of help. Both practical and emotional support may be welcome, so let people know what you need; for example; a lift to an appointment, some grocery shopping, company on a walk, a cup of tea or a chat, whatever it may be.
• Find a balance between linking in with supportive people and having some quiet time as you heal. Sharing the experience of grief can lessen the isolation. 
• Remember that grief doesn’t happen in particular stages, it ebbs and flows. Some days will be easier than others, some days you may be ambushed by your grief.  Just take it one day at a time.
• Try to be open to whatever your grief brings up, feelings of guilt, regret, anger, relief, bitterness and irritation are also part of the grief experience, accept them without judgment.
• Most people find the acuteness of grief lessens in time, but a small number of people do become stuck in their grief. Please check in with your GP if you continue to experience significant difficulties in your grief.  

If you are feeling very low or anxious;  you are very tired and unable to sleep;  you are worried about how you are coping;  you have been bereaved for more than six months and feel your grief is not progressing, it is a good idea to talk to your GP (General Practitioner) or seek advice from the palliative care service that your loved one was for cared by. A very small number of people get stuck in their grief and your GP can help identify supports, such as professional counselling.